veryroundbirdfics | Arknights | Hand in Unlovable Hand, Chapter 28 (END)

Rating: Spicy
Chapter: 28/28 (Epilogue)
Characters: Doctor (F), Kal'tsit, Amiya, various others
Relationships: Doctor/Kal'tsit, Kal'tsit/Theresa, Theresa/Doctor
Summary: Dr. Lau returns to Rhodes Island a stranger in a strange land, in a labyrinth of things that feel like they should be familiar but aren't—and at the center is Dr. Kal'tsit and all the things she's not saying. Even if amnesia's changed her, though, the Doctor wouldn't be the Doctor if she didn't have an impulse to solve for the missing variable.
Notes: while this fic is marked as "spicy" the only actual sexual content is in chapters 8, 9, 17, 23 and 27, and there's cliff notes for the scenes at the bottom of the chapter. sexual content is noted in the start of chapters where it appears.

When Kal'tsit enters the bridge, she takes one quizzical look at you and raises her eyebrows. "I'm on duty," she says, folding her arms across her chest.

"I know," you say, and stand from behind the little two-person table you borrowed from the cafeteria. "I asked Dave if I could take the end of his shift, so don't reprimand him for not being here. Night watch duty can get lonely and dull. And you won't have eaten yet, right?"¹

It took a lot of planning. For one thing, you didn't know how to cook, apart from your questionable instant noodle methods, but between your personal trainer's surprising skill in traditional Minosan cooking² and some tips you got from one of the refugee kids from Chernobog, you managed something that at least smells and tastes good. And, well—you did finally ask to see Closure's top-secret special occasion catalog.³

Kal'tsit sighs—and then takes her seat across from you, the candlelight turning her complexion almost golden against the dark outside.⁴ "It's... thoughtful of you, Zhanchi, but next time, ask first."

You nearly have a heart attack at the combination of Zhanchi, next time, and ask,⁵ but manage to pull yourself together and not faint on the spot. Instead, you drop down into your own chair, and prop yourself up by your elbow to look a little less shaky. "Does that mean if I inquire after your free time, I might get some of it?"

She takes her time answering—head turned in profile to gaze out the viewport across the vast, dark barrens. "Circumstances permitting," she says. And then, with a slightly self-conscious twitch of her lips, follows that up with: "Yes."

This time it takes you a moment to speak—all the words log-jammed up in your throat.⁶ But—"I was a nervous wreck trying to set this up, but—well, hopefully practice will help, then."

"I admit I... didn't expect this kind of gesture from you," she says, picking up her fork idly to scoop up a bite.

You scrub at your face a little. "Well," you say, "I thought, er... well. It'd be nice. The view from the bridge at night is... it's sort of..." Oh no. Every word out of your mouth sounds so stupid.⁷ "...It's romantic, isn't it?"

She nearly chokes on the bite she just took, and swallows heavily. You look at her a little bleakly. "I'm not that embarrassing, am I?"

"It's hardly a matter of embarrassment... Zhanchi," she says, after getting control of her coughing. "I—admit I still wasn't quite sure—"

"Kal'tsit—" You put your face in your hands.⁸ "I cannot emphasize enough that I'm in love with you."

There's a long pause—but you expected that, to an extent. You continue, because in for a penny, in for a Lungmen dollar: "I don't expect anything in return.⁹ I know it's complicated—probably in more ways that I even know. I just wanted to say it."

For a second, you're not sure if she's going to say anything at all. But then—she reaches out with one hand to take one that you've just pried off your face, gingerly lacing your fingers together.¹⁰ "Thank you," she says, at last, a slightly bewildered slant to her brow. "For trusting me with that."¹¹

Very lightly, you squeeze her hand, thumb brushing lightly over her skin.¹² "I'll probably still make mistakes. But I can at least start fixing the ones I can."

"It's all we can do," she says, quietly, and your heart flutters a little to hear her talk about we.¹³ "And—" She picks up her fork with her other hand, again. "You know, this is quite good."

"I've missed my calling as a housewife, it seems."

She glances up at you, fork halfway to her mouth. "It's not too late to live a quiet life."¹⁴

But you shake your head.¹⁵ "Maybe," you say, smiling. "But there's no place else I'd rather be."

[1] Time to use your giant genius chess brain for something nice, for once.

[2] Operator Sideroca is also a miracle worker because she has also been able to coax you into going running more or less of your own free will. Some of the coaxing was how you discovered that she is in fact an incredible cook and learned about a life beyond instant noodles, which is why you would happily nominate her for a promotion any time.

[3] Considering that Kal'tsit manages to look perfect all the time no matter what she wears you might as well use every weapon in your arsenal, so to speak.

[4] Honestly, it's unfair, but you did this to yourself.

[5] That's—that's, in a way, almost like giving you permission, isn't it?

[6] Eventually your head will stop spinning but it's probably not today.

[7] But maybe the you of the past could have stood to be less of a genius all the time, so you might as well make up for that.

[8] After all this time you discover, finally, that you're both stupid?

[9] From the conversation in the bowels of Chernobog, you're sure it would be a lot to ever ask her to say it back. She might not be able to, ever. But that's fine.

[10] Oh. Oh, that's... even more than you expected, honestly.

[11] Your heart feels like it skips several beats in a way that you should probably get looked at.

[12] Her hands are warm—and soft, even though you notice just the barest ridge of an old scar or similar under the pad of your thumb. Maybe she's not entirely untouched by everything that she's passed by, after all, as much as she looks it.

[13] We, and the future, and those things in tandem.

[14] With the little crease in her forehead, you know it's her way of showing concern—that maybe it really would be easier for you somewhere else, away from the battlefield. Even if she'll never say "I care" in words, you can tell she means it, all the same.

[15] In spite of it all—all the good, all the bad, all the sleepless nights and tears and blood—this is the right place for you to be. For the mission of Rhodes Island, yes, but also: it feels warm. It feels like hope.

THE END
(FOR NOW)